Posts by ConcernedParent

33

Concerned Parent

by ConcernedParent in

jw
friends

i'm writing for some advice from former jws.

my family is christian, and my 15yo daughter is "dating" a jw boy.

(the quotes are because they aren't old enough to actually go out on dates... they consider themselves bf/gf and have hung out and gone places with each other, but always with parents, family, etc.

ConcernedParent

My phone is giving me problems today! Still trying to learn how to use this android!

I don't know how to quote, sorry, but yes, my goal is definitely to keep her safe and away from that religion! I do feel like there's a strong chance the boy will probably end up out at some point in his life, but I certainly don't want my daughter to be the reason, and I'm concerned about the issues that will come with that if he ever does leave.

Yes, his sister married very young. Yes, I worry that he's already thinking of my daughter in those terms (which scares the heck out of me!) However, I don't think it's uncommon for young teens to think that way when they think they are "in love."

Yes, I have shared my concerns with my daughter about the religion... it scared her, I hope!

I really wish I could just sit down with this boy and listen to his views on his religion, but of course I cannot. I wouldn't want his parents talking religion with my daughter, so I feel like I should afford them the same courtesy.

Deciding how much to limit their interaction is difficult. I'm obviously not encouraging it, but since the boy has done nothing wrong nor attempted to influence her in even the smallest way (to my knowledge), I would have a hard time justifying it to my daughter. I do feel for him, and I hope we've shown him that "worldly" people are not what he's probably been told they are. But I sure will not be heartbroken if they have a spat and break up soon, like teenagers do!

I guess I will just let things pretty much continue as they are, while making sure to keep open lines of communication with my daughter. If I find out he has been baptized, or if he starts even hinting at persuading her toward his beliefs, I will have to take more drastic measures (but I am dreading that, because it will put a strain on my relationship with my daughter.)

Thanks so much for all the input, everyone! I really appreciate it!

33

Concerned Parent

by ConcernedParent in

jw
friends

i'm writing for some advice from former jws.

my family is christian, and my 15yo daughter is "dating" a jw boy.

(the quotes are because they aren't old enough to actually go out on dates... they consider themselves bf/gf and have hung out and gone places with each other, but always with parents, family, etc.

ConcernedParent

I don't know how to quote, sorry, but

33

Concerned Parent

by ConcernedParent in

jw
friends

i'm writing for some advice from former jws.

my family is christian, and my 15yo daughter is "dating" a jw boy.

(the quotes are because they aren't old enough to actually go out on dates... they consider themselves bf/gf and have hung out and gone places with each other, but always with parents, family, etc.

ConcernedParent

I'm on my phone and can't figure out how to edit my OP, so I'll just add here.

Thanks so much for all of your responses! I've been researching JWs quite a lot, so I was already familiar with many of the things you've warned me about. My dilemma is this: should I just let things continue as they are (since they are so young and it will probably fizzle out long before I really need to be worried), or should I prevent their interaction as much as possible without outright forbidding her to date him? I don't want to just forbid it because I think that would pull her away from me, and we are very close.

Some background: He is her age and has not been baptized. His family is active (they attend meetings), but he is allowed to do things that I wouldn't have expected them to allow, like be on the school's soccer team and go to school dances. One parent seems more strict than the other. They do know he's dating my daughter (but they might not use that word), although the stricter parent might not realize how often they see each other. I have met the parents and they were very nice. I think he is drawn to my daughter because she is wholesome and innocent when compared to many of their peers. (My parenting style isn't so different from theirs, minus all of the religious stuff.) They are also a very close family.

The boy has expressed doubts to my daughter..,he's not sure if he wants to continue in the religion, and he's indicated that any future children he has could be raised in his wife's religion. Neither he nor his family has ever tried to "witness" to my daughter. They don't really talk about their religious beliefs, etc. He keeps his religion on the down-low at school, and seems very normal. He plans to go to college, but doesn't seem to have very lofty goals.

In response to a question about holidays... he gave my daughter a small Valentine gift without his family's knowledge. He told her he's not allowed to do holidays.

I do feel like he might be looking for normalcy, and I feel sorry for him. However, I'm not willing to risk my daughter getting sucked in to that religion. I worry that if they continue to date, he'll eventually either try to persuade her to the JWs, or he'll face serious issues with his family by trying to pull away.

Thank you again for all of your insightful comments.

33

Concerned Parent

by ConcernedParent in

jw
friends

i'm writing for some advice from former jws.

my family is christian, and my 15yo daughter is "dating" a jw boy.

(the quotes are because they aren't old enough to actually go out on dates... they consider themselves bf/gf and have hung out and gone places with each other, but always with parents, family, etc.

ConcernedParent

Hi. I'm writing for some advice from former JWs. My family is Christian, and my 15yo daughter is "dating" a JW boy. (The quotes are because they aren't old enough to actually go out on dates... they consider themselves bf/gf and have hung out and gone places with each other, but always with parents, family, etc.) Anyway, this is her first boyfriend, and I really didn't think it would last this long (probably about 6 months now). At first I thought it was harmless, and I didn't want to judge him based on his religion, but as I started doing some research into the organization, I've gotten really nervous about the whole thing.

**ugh! I just realized the rest of my (lengthy) post disappeared when I posted it. I don't have time to retype the whole thing right now, so I'll try again later. Sorry about that!